Legal Scrollwork

Privacy Policy

Last updated: May 2026 · Written by actual humans, reviewed by no one

We Are Children ("we," "our," or "us") built this site as a satirical name generator. We are not a venture capital firm. We are not affiliated with any dark lord, living or incorporated. We just think the naming conventions of Silicon Valley are extremely funny.

This Privacy Policy explains how we handle your data when you visit middle-earth.vc. The short version: we collect almost nothing, we sell nothing, and we are frankly too small to be doing anything nefarious with your information.

1. Information We Collect

When you use this site, we may collect:

Nothing you type. There are no forms, no sign-ups, no login. You click a button, you get a name. That is the entire product.
Basic usage data. If we use analytics tools in the future, we may collect standard anonymous data like page views, browser type, and general location. We will update this policy if that happens.
Emails you send us. If you contact us at yourmom@wearechildren.lol, we will receive and read your email. Yes, all of them.

2. How We Use Your Information

We use what little we collect to:

Keep the site running.
Respond to your emails, including the ones that begin with "Dear Sir or Madam, it has come to our attention."
Understand if anyone is actually using this thing.

We do not use your information to target you with ads. We do not have ads. We are not that kind of operation.

3. Sharing of Information

We do not sell, rent, or trade your personal information. We are not Sauron (or Peter Thiel). We do not require your data as tribute.

We may share information only if required by law. If that ever happens, we will probably just take the site down and tell the story at dinner parties for years.

4. Cookies

This site does not currently use tracking cookies. It is a single HTML file with a name generator. There is nothing to track.

If that changes, we will update this policy and add one of those cookie banners everyone dismisses immediately.

5. Your Rights

Depending on where you live, you may have rights around your personal data, including access, correction, and deletion. Since we collect almost nothing, exercising these rights mostly means emailing us and asking us to delete your email. We will do that.

6. Data Security

We take reasonable precautions to protect any information we hold. No system is perfectly secure, including the fortress of Helm's Deep, which famously had a drainage issue.

7. Children's Privacy

This site is not directed at children under 13. It is directed at adults who work in or adjacent to venture capital and find the naming conventions of that world extremely funny. If a child finds it funny too, that is between them and their parents.

8. Changes to This Policy

We may update this policy if the site changes significantly. For example, if we add analytics, a mailing list, or somehow attract the attention of actual lawyers. Changes will be posted here with an updated date.

9. Contact

Questions about your data, unsolicited investment offers, and cease and desist letters all go to yourmom@wearechildren.lol. We read everything. We treasure the third category most.